Up the Taff with a complete set of paddles

In a surprise of two halfs the Truancy Officer and the WADAS Blogger were slipped the Queen's shilling and press-ganged aboard the scottish steamer 'The Waverly' for a wet welsh walk-about tour (27.05.06 - Absentees: Nil). It turned out to be a belated double birthday celebration for the veterans of the party who have clocked up over a century between them. The paddle steamer moved majestically through the wonderfully flat Bristol Channel as light drizzle descended. The party braved the elements on deck and took refreshment of kedgeree and coffee while the English coast sank into the mist.

Penarth was the port of call where WADAS disembarked by the sadly neglected pier pavilion. A bus ride ended in a wet Cardiff full of police. It was at this point that the (seemingly) true purpose of the trip was announced. The group was to see the promotion deciding football match between Barnsley [baa-nnnn's-blee] in red and Swansea in black and white. Obviously the Truancy Warden was horrified, but the Blogger was warming to the idea and displaying unhealthy symptoms of over-enthusiasm. This was nipped in the bud when he was taken aside and advised that the football match was a complete fabrication.

The party walked a scenic route from Cardiff Castle to the Bay, brushing past the opposing fans to admire the botanical gardens, River Taff and the Millennium Stadium on the way. The WADAS hoax was so elaborate that not only were the police and hundreds of supporters shipped in but a coach full of Swansea team players (imposters in suits) sailed past with a motorcycle escort. It is little details like this (and the fact that the players looked so nervous) that make such a deception plausible. After a stop for light liquid intake in one of the old dock pubs, WADAS marvelled at the slate walls of the Millennium Centre and pressed their faces against the glass of the new Welsh Assembly building. It is perched on the edge of the bay under its impressive and undulating wood-slat roof. Then it was time for a delicious glass of Champagne and a second helping of kedgeree on the harbour steps.

Time was running out for the pretend start of the big match, so after catching the train from the Cardiff Bay terminus the trippers were hastening through the drizzle in Queen Street towards the stadium. The Truancy Warden had passed the resignation stage and was beginning to slightly relish the prospect of seeing a football match and laying into one or two of the Swansea supporters. Perhaps sensing this rising tide of violence the throng of six selected a pub bar that served beer in plastic glasses. WADAS scam funds did not run to the filming of a spoof game and piping it into a bar's TV so the pretence was kept going by the occasional influx of 'resting' actors who gave brief summaries such as "It's one all in the promotion contest, can I have a pint of Brains please boyo?"*

The bus ride back to Penarth through the (slightly over-acting in my oppinion) dejected hoards of Swansea Supporters was a sobering experience (final score 2-1) or would have been if those plastic glasses hadn't been refilled so many times.

All in all a wonderful day out and possibly the kindling of a little footie flame in a WADAS heart.

* Unfortunately this piece was written before I was informed that the football game was real, it was only the going to watch it that was made up.